Double Heartbeat
by empigg
Summary: Jesse has left the halfworld that between the spirit and flesh.But is his new existence any more satisfying? Disclaimer - All rights to Meg Cabot. I own nothing from her books-only my own characters.
1. Intro

I thought my life would be so much better. I thought I was complete-and that most of my 'juvenile disorder' days were over. Maybe, I thought-maybe I could just live somewhat normally.

Looking over the fact I could see, touch, hear and speak to ghosts.

Before, when I went on my 'ghost-busting' rampages, I was pretty much all on my own. And my adversaries weren't too pleasant. And not all of them were ghosts either.

But Paul Slater was fine now. His obsession with me had faded-he had someone else's pants to be busy getting into. And he seemed to have removed himself from what I liked to think of as the 'dark' side. He was pretty neutral now. He just tried to forget his abilities, and left well alone.

Which suited me just fine. Because now, not only was I one opponent down, but an ally up. Since Jesse had been restored to his human body, he'd been joining me in my aid of those who couldn't quite make that leap to the next plane. I used to hate my job-my 'gift' was a curse.

Until now.

Or at least-it's brilliant for me. But…for Jesse…

Yeah. I'm not so sure.


	2. Chapter One

It started off perfectly. I'd introduced Jesse to everyone-there were the minor setbacks that he had to acquire a whole identity, along with qualifications. But I knew it couldn't be that hard. After all, the church had connections. And Father Dom was helping us out a lot.

That guy really had his heart in the right place. Even if he was…old fashioned (to say the least).

So, we were doing good. Better than good. We were in love, and doing something we were good at. Maybe people thought we were strange. Maybe my parents were confused, and thought he was too old for me.

But I didn't care.

The only thing that bugged me, or brought me down, was Jesse himself. I had assumed that, having watched the decades go past, he would have got used to the fact that his home was far behind him-that places have moved on, and that things won't really ever be the same as they were.

I think he thought that, too.

But, recently, he seems to have been-well. I guess the best word would be homesick.

Maybe it was because, as a ghost, he was fine with it. He had moved on from his body-and so the world moved on. He didn't have to adjust himself-no one would be there to judge him.

But bringing back his body-him being in his body…

It would just remind him of his previous life. It could only serve to bring back memories that he either did not wish to revisit-or ones he wished were more than memories.

He hated this new world. Or, at least, did not like it at all.

And that really brought me down. I'd do anything for him-honestly, anything. I would throw myself into hell for him.

I pretty much did, once.

But change the world was something I simply could not do. I'd like to-I feel sick about all the shit that happens.

But my small contributions count for practically nothing.

All I could do was watch him. It was like he was sinking into a depression. He was withdrawn and secretive. He talked more to Father Dom than me. And it hurt me.

More than those bloody ghosts ever had.


	3. Chapter Two

"So. We have to, somehow get these siblings to meet up, and realise that they are being stupid in ignoring each other. We have to make them realise that, deep down, the love each other really, and that they should form a stronger, better relationship with one another, and therefore come to their grandmother's funeral with no fear of meeting the other one.

"Right."

Jesse made no comment throughout this, walking silently, sullenly by my side, staring at his feet, and the leaves that moved with each step. I watched him with a little pit at the bottom of my stomach, which kept growing. I felt like being sick. This wasn't him angry. It wasn't him serious. It wasn't him jealous, or thinking about something that I could cope with.

This was completely out of my depth.

My house came into view, and I sighed; long and loud. My legs suddenly became heavy, and it cost me a great effort to keep walking. I turned to Jesse, and, despairingly, gazed into his eyes. They didn't meet my own, but from what I could see, they held a strange longing, and misery. I wanted to reach out and help him-

But I couldn't.

"Well. Bye then…"

He just inclined his head, and began to walk away, and didn't look back. I watched him, my heart doing some strange tuggy-jumpy thing, before walking up to my house.

I didn't realise until I closed the door, that my mother had been watching the scene. She looked me up and down, and pulled me into a tight hug.

And, although I really didn't want to-I cried.


	4. Chapter Three

I had just finished my daily kickboxing video session, when the phone started to ring. Instead of going to answer it, I flopped on my bed, and let someone else halt the incessant ringing.

"Suze! It's for you!" I heard David call from somewhere downstairs. I heaved myself off of the bed, and cursed the idiot to call me at-

Well. A perfectly reasonable time.

"Susannah??"

"Hey, Father Dom. What's up??"

"Well, if I'm honest, nothing good. I have, as you would say, 'sensed a disturbance in the force'."

At this point, I went into fits of silent laughter.

"Susannah?? Are you alright??"

"Yes, I'm fine, thanks Father Dom. So. What is this phenomenon??"

"Well. I'm sure you heard about the death of old Annie Rogers, God bless her. Well, it seems that her family were incredibly distraught, although it was hardly unexpected, at her ages.

"At the funeral, as I was preaching, there was a slight tremor inside the church, although most of them didn't notice. I was, naturally, the only one who saw her ghost. I was rather shocked, at first-what possible reason could keep her suspended here??

"But I accepted it, and carried on. I endeavoured to meet her after the ceremony, to talk and find out just why she was still her. But, the moment it was over, she fled. I thought it all very strange-and there was the added suspicion of one of her relatives. Behaving in a very strange manner, he was. But I had no idea of his connection to her, other than being related, and I had no idea of his name. I barely spoke to him.

"Susannah, I would like to investigate it myself, but unfortunately, I am tied up in other arrangements. I am therefore placing the burden on your shoulders, and, I'm sure Jesse will be perfectly willing to help."

Yeah. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you…

"Of course. We've got something going on at the moment, but as soon as we can, we'll help. Thanks for telling us."

"Goodbye, Susannah. Look after yourself."

"When didn't I??"

And then I hung up.


	5. Chapter Four

The breeze brushed my hair out of my face as I walked towards the Mission Academy. The great building that was so familiar to me loomed up, and my eyes were fixed on it as I walked towards the doors.

I made my way into the headmasters office, and sat down on a chair.

"Hello, Susannah. I thought you were supposed to present yourself to the secretary first??" He said it in a calm, gentle voice-more enquiring than rebuking. I just shrugged.

"Looked like she was busy. Anyway, I needed to ask you more about this old lady."

"Well, what other information do you need exactly?? Unfortunately, I don't possess much, which is why I need you to investigate."

"What do I need?? Well, considering I know practically nothing, I would say one hell of a lot more than I have."

"Please, Susannah, refrain from using that word in vain."

"I thought it was God's name you shouldn't take in vain??"

"Both are as bad. One causes offence, one is simply despicable."

I just shook my head, trying to ignore the distractions that he was throwing at me. I sat back in the chair, and tried to focus on the task at hand.

"I take it you have resolved the other issue you were concerned about??"

I almost jumped-how could he know about Jesse?? How could he know that that was the predominant thought in my mind at all times, no matter how much I tried to ignore it…

"The one you mentioned before?? The reason you had to delay this current investigation??" I blinked once, twice, and then realised what he was getting at.

"Oh, yeah, that's done. I'm ready, to like, move on…" Father Dom scrutinized me through narrowed eyes, but then seemed to ignore whatever thought was passing.

"Very well, Susannah. And I'm afraid there is little or nothing left to tell you. All I know is that the woman recently passed away, by the name of Annie Rogers, is lingering. I want you to help her to the next world. I'm sure whatever errand she needs running is a trifle one. Now, I'm afraid I have to go and preach to an 'old people's home', as you would say."

Recognizing that 'final' tone, I walked out of the office, avoiding eye contact with the receptionist. I walked straight out of the building, not pausing to savour the fresh, cool air that wafted over me. It did feel beautiful, though.

Before I had even registered what I was doing, I began to walk (almost march) towards a little block of apartments not far from my house.

I got to 16D, and practically splintered the door I hit it so hard.

"Ummm…hello??"

My cheeks turned red as I looked closer at the number on the door, and found it was a slightly chipped 18D. And the person at the door looked completely bemused, and a little angry.

"Oh. Sorry. Wrong room. Really sorry…uh…bye…" I hurriedly walked away, and down the steps, feeling their eyes on my back the whole way.

I eventually found my way to 16D, and my knock was less ferocious, as my anger had dissipated a little.

I waited for a few seconds for Jesse to answer it, and when he did, he looked really confused.

"Look, Jesse. I think we need to talk."


	6. Chapter Five

The confusion on his face was evident, which just made me frustrated. It was kind of obvious what I wanted to talk about. How could he not notice how cold, how distant he'd been?? I simply pushed past him, into his apartment.

It was a half-hate, half-love kind of place. There was a lot to hate. It was some horrible dark mushroom brown colour. The furniture was sparse, and arranged awkwardly-and looked like it had been picked up at a flea market. There were two rooms, this and a bedroom, separated by a battered door. To be honest, the only thing I loved (or even liked) about the room was that it was Jesse's. I could just feel Jesse's presence everywhere-even if the décor was a bit…

No.

Not really wanting to sit down, I walked over to the centre of the room, turned around, folded my arms across my chest and glared at him. He closed the door slowly, and, just as slowly, turned around to face me. I was satisfied that he was looking different than usual. He was wearing an expression.

Even if it was one of annoyance and bewilderment.

He was clearly waited for me to speak, but I remained silent, raising my eyebrows. He spread his hands, as though to say 'what do you want from me'. I shrugged, as though to say 'you tell me'. Eventually, he seemed to realise that some actual words were needed.

"Susannah…what on earth are you doing here??"

"What, I'm not allowed to come and see my b-my friends apartment??" I was close to saying 'boyfriend', but recently, I'd felt that Jesse was anything but that. I thought I saw a look of hurt flash across his eyes.

But, it might just have been him blinking.

"No-I mean, of course you are. But, that's not what I mean…" My eyebrows went even higher-Jesse was never at a loss for words. Well, most of the time he never was. "You just seem very agitated, is all."

My eyes narrowed, and I wondered whether now was really a good time to do this. I kind of wanted my mind clear-and maybe solving this business with Annie would help. _Then_ I could move on to this infinitely more pressing of matters.

I slumped down on the seat, finally, "Father Dom has found another case for us to be onto. It shouldn't be hard-just some old lady's stuck, for no apparent reason. We need to find out why, and then do whatever it is to help her move on."

He sighed. "As always."

I nodded, and was about to continue, when I felt a vibration in my jacket pocket. I unzipped it, and pulled out my cell phone. Andy had given into my pleadings, and my mom grudgingly accepted, after all the danger I had got into. It was strictly 'emergencies only'.

"Hey, mom. What's up??"

"It's Bradley."

"Jeez, what's he done now??"

"I think he might have been involved in a car accident, I'm not sure. Can you go down to jail, and get him??"

"Can't he get out on his own??"

"They need someone to accompany him, and drive the vehicle. I believe they've taken away his license." That was good. He'd find it difficult to gloat about anything now.

"Whatever. Bye" I hung up, and slid the cell back into my pocket, got up, and left.

"Susannah, where are you going?? I thought we had something to deal with??" I heard him close the door behind him, and follow me. I didn't turn round.

"I've gotta' go pick up Brad from the police detention centre. I'll be back later." Suddenly, he was at my side. _'Or you could just come with me'. _I rolled my eyes.


	7. Chapter Six

I made sure to get to the drivers seat before him. Whenever we used to drive together, he would always get there first, insisting that he, as the man, should be the one to take the lady around town.

Jeez. Guys from the nineteenth century…

Although I didn't really expect anything so chivalrous from him now. I mean, times move on. Much to my regret. In this case, anyway.

He finally got over to the passenger door, and climbed in, still looking rather confused. I just rolled my eyes, and pulled out of the parking lot, heading for the station. It took about five almost uncomfortable minutes to get there. I had a feeling that the reason I was so flushed wasn't just the heat.

I got out of the car, and walked up to the doors, pausing just before opening them. I couldn't hear any steps, but Jesse couldn't really have walked that fast. I mean, I'm pretty stressed. I was kind of stomping. I spun round, to see what was going on, and saw Jesse just staring. Staring into a corner. Wanting to know what was keeping him so fixated, I turned my head in the direction he was looking.

And gasped.

I walked over to the corner, from where a faint glow was being emitted. I saw, clear as every other person on the street, an old woman hunched over, shawl draped around her shoulders. The fact that she was old surprised me a bit. Normally ghosts came back in their prime. I guess she'd had a rough lot of younger years, or something.

"Annie?? Annie Rogers??" She turned her eyes to rest on my face. I was smiling, tentatively, and debating whether or not to raise my hand in a welcoming gesture. I decided against it. Probably a little too ET.

Her eyes widened a fraction, and her eyebrows raised minimally. She looked like she was about to speak, before firmly tightening her lips. I, in turn, opened my mouth, to speak, but before I could utter a word, she disappeared.

"Damnit!" I cursed out loud, and stomped my foot. I turned around, expecting to see Jesse laughing at my childish behaviour, but he was just staring at the spot where Annie had been moments before. He didn't even berate me for my lack of proper mediating skills. Deciding to ignore him, I walked through the doors of the building, and began to talk to the officers behind the desk. I didn't pay attention to Jesse, and decided I'd think about Annie later.

Right now, I had to get Brad out, without too much hassle. Wow, he was going to be so whiney.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Sorry for the wait in the update. And I know in the end, it seems that it's going to be like all the other Mediator fics out there.**

**But it will be different. I promise.**

"For the last time, Dop-I mean, Brad, it _was_ your fault, no matter how many times you deny it. The cops were and are not high-though I wouldn't doubt if you are." His neck visibly reddened at this and I smirked. Taunting him was one of my joys in life-although it was often difficult, as it could lead to him threatening me. Always involving blackmail.

I really need to stop being so obvious about the stuff I do. More cover up is definitely needed.

Jesse was staring out the window, breathing loudly and deeply. If it was anyone else, I would have been ridiculously irritated, and told them to stop. But there, in the car, with him-it was so relaxing. Better than a massage. Not too good when you're driving though.

We eventually pulled up at the house, and Brad got out, slammed the door, and without a word began to trudge up to the house. I chuckled, thinking of the lectures my mom and Andy would have in store for him. I almost wished I could be there. But I could feel Jesse's gaze boring into me, and started the engine up again, to drive back down the road. I hated the silence, and really wanted to break the silence-but I was being stubborn. Why should _I_ have to be the starter or every conversation?? And what kind of conversation was it, if the other person answered with only one word, sometimes two??

Not a good one, that's for sure.

I wasn't quite sure where I was going. I thought I was going to drop Jesse off at his apartment, and then go somewhere where I could be alone. Or maybe I would go talk to Father Dom. I wasn't sure. But, for some reason I was heading in a completely different direction. I wasn't even sure where I was headed.

It turned out it was the beach. That didn't surprise me as much as when Jesse didn't say anything. He didn't question my actions. He just got out of the car the same as me, and walked over to the small sand dune. It was getting close to sunset, and I decided that I wanted to watch it, with the guy I loved. It surprised me that we'd never done this before.

I lay down on the sand, with my hands behind my head-classic I-don't-care-relaxation pose. I glanced up at Jesse, who was just staring down at me. I was almost certainly imagining it, but I swore I saw a smile in his eyes. His mouth hadn't moved, but his eyes had crinkled a bit…

"Well, are you going to sit down??" Wow. Trust my big fat mouth to ruin a pretty good moment-one of the best in a while. He sat down beside me, still staring at me. With anyone else, it would have thoroughly creeped me out, and fists might have been involved. But with him, it was an exception-everything was an exception with him.

"Why have we not done this before, Susannah??" I raised my eyebrows, relatively shocked that he'd been thinking along the same lines as me. I shrugged.

"I dunno'. I've been here with CeeCee and Adam. I just never thought of coming down here with you. And I can see it pretty well from the bay window in my room." Obviously, you would know that, I thought.

"I like it better here. It is almost like you are closer to it." I nodded, barely listening to him, just drinking in the last rays of the sun, and listening to the soft crash of the waves.

"Susannah, I have a question for you…"

Oh

My

God…


	9. Chapter Eight

"Will…will you marry me??" I just stared at him for a few minutes. After a while, I started to look around, looking for the laughing crowds, before turning my eyes back to Jesse, expecting to see the corners of his lips turning, his eyes crinkling. The crinkle was there-but it wasn't from humour.

"Wh-wh-what??" I could see a flicker of sadness in his eyes, at my obvious horror.

"I've been thinking about it for a while. I was thinking about my life before-my life on the ranch. This is what I would have done, had I felt like this about anyone, had I known them for this long, been a relationship this long. Although, I would have asked their parents first."

I continued to stare at him. Who did he think he was kidding?? What kind of weird joke was this??

"Jesse…I'm seventeen…I hope you're joking. I can't get…get…_married_. I have to go to college, to university. What would my parents think?? What would everyone think?? Besides, you've been really distant with me lately. I've been meaning to talk to you about it. You've practically ignored me, acting like I don't exist. It hurts Jesse. You can't just expect me to forgive you for that," He looked puzzled, and somewhat hurt. I guess he had been serious about the proposal. But it didn't make sense…any of it. I was _way_ too young to get married. I mean-I didn't plan to get married until at least I was a good way past 25…

"I know the age is a slight issue…but if they could do it in my day, why not now?? And I didn't really know I'd been distant…I guess it's just a shock to me. I was used to being a ghost without my family, in a different world. But as a full bodied human again…It's completely different. Everything is completely alien. It's going to take me a while to adjust-I'm sorry if I seem preoccupied. I just need a bit of time…then everything will be perfect." I shook my head.

"I understand all of that. But to result in a proposal?? Maybe they did it in your day-but this is the twenty first century. As you've said, things have changed. And you can't expect to adjust right away-I don't expect it of you. But, even though you've practically just lost your family-you can't expect me to just be a new one, a fill in. You can deny it all you want-but you haven't been the same recently. And getting married is beyond out of the question. I love you, and I want you, forever. But, I want a life, too." With this, I got up and walked across the sand, towards the car. I knew it was ridiculously selfish to leave Jesse there, especially when I'd just turned him down. But I didn't want to discuss it anymore-I didn't want to lose him. He was just confused-I didn't want to break up with him just because of that.

But I didn't know how he would take it.

But how could he?? It was ridiculous…I was so young…and he wasn't exactly middle aged.


	10. Chapter Nine

**Sorry for being so long with the update-I've been on a trip, and been ill. I'm also sorry it's so filler-ish, and that they're all so short.**

**But I figured I'd rather get them done quicker than have them drag on for ages. **

**The updates may be a bit haphazard for a while, because of exams and stuff, but hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it all**

**D**

* * *

I hadn't seen him in a week. The reasons were obvious-but I missed him more than anything. I felt so miserable-more than I had when I thought he didn't love me, and that was why he was moving out. Because this time, it was much, much worse. I knew exactly why this had happened, knew precisely that I was the one who caused it. But not only did I know this, but I spent the whole time thinking-everything was going round and round my head. The blame on me, for acting so harshly-and then thinking, over and over again how he could do it. I mean, he actually _proposed_ to me. How was that even _possible??_ How could he even think of doing it…

It sounded like something someone would put in some stupid story, just because they couldn't think of a good plot line. It was messed up, and beyond reasoning.

In fact, I was so wrapped up in the whole me-Jesse thing that practically the whole of my life stopped. I hadn't talked to CeeCee and Adam in ages: they must have been worried. My mum was practically tearing her hair out. At first she just scolded me for moping around, and not doing anything, claiming that my problems couldn't be 'so bad'. But I just ignored her, and went on doing nothing.

Even the ghost that I was supposed to be sorting out was getting no attention. But, then again, she wasn't causing trouble-as long as she kept quiet, I was okay. Although that meant putting off until she made some disturbance. By which point it would probably be too late.

But I was in no condition to think about these things in great detail, or with much logic. All of the little I had was used up on the very obvious situation. And it required a lot more than I had.

A _lot_.

Although; as I thought about it more, it began, slowly and ever so slightly, to make more sense. I mean-he _was_ from the nineteenth century. God knows how different it was back then. He was supposed to marry his _cousin_-without even having met her before. All the communication he had with her was a few letters. And I've read them-and let me tell you, there's nothing in them to fall for. But then, he did explain that he had to do it, for the plantation, and the whole family heritage thing.

So, if they did things like that back then, it would seem to be reasonable for boys to ask girls who had only recently been to their high school dance (did they have high school dances back then??) to be their wives. I was surprised that I could accept that, what with it being so surreal to me, as I am a total twenty-first century girl.


	11. Chapter Ten

Well, I guess I had to get back to the ghost busting at some point, didn't I??

'_Who're you gonna call??_

_GHOSTBUSTERS!'_

…

Yeah, I heard it.

I'd really been getting ahead in this old lady ghost case. I was doing really well, finding out loads about her, and any motives she might have had to haunt this world continually, rather than move along to her ne-

Actually, that's all a lie. I had gotten precisely nowhere. I'd tried, multiple times, calling her through my newly discovered 'mind powers'. She must be telepathically deaf or something, because she simply would not turn up. I spent a lot of time on it, too, so it's not like anyone could have accused me of slacking off. I'd even started to go into research into her life. I had found out practically nothing, except what Father Dom had told me-died recently, normal family, etc. Seemingly no reason at all to be loitering in this life. Well, if, for her, you could call it a life.

I was going over it for about the millionth time in my mind as I walked along the pavement towards the police station. It seemed like I had a habit of thinking things over like that-a dog with a bone, that was what I was like. And it also seemed like I was spending a lot of time at the police station. I know what you're thinking, ooooh, someone's getting busted. But I wasn't there for me. Oh no, it was Brad who was being dragged downtown. Well, not this time, actually. This time I was here to write off a load of his checks. I found it kind of unfair that I had to be the one to do it, when I hadn't technically done anything wrong-but apparently mum and Andy couldn't let him out of the house because of their lack of trust in him.

I just nodded to the security guard outside the main building-he'd seen me so many times, he recognized me by now. I couldn't help feeling sorry for him-I didn't even see why he had to actually be there. The only remotely harming people that were in the police station were those who were on overnight stay, or perhaps awaiting bail. All the proper prisoners were in the main prison, a fair distance from here.

I could tell before I stepped into the main reception area that something was going on outside of the norm. My eyes darted around as I pushed the double doors wide open, and I was surprised to see a complete mess. There were papers everywhere, ink spilled, pens broken, files ripped, chairs tossed and turned, plants and soil scattered everywhere. I couldn't even see an officer, and that seriously freaked me out. Plus, everything was radiating some sort of…strange vibe.

Strange, like-supernatural.

Looked like I had another ghost on my hands. And although I really wasn't in the mood for another one, it seemed like I didn't have much choice. Plus, it would help my mind with the whole one-track thing (which I was trying to keep going. Due to all the very unhelpful…distractions that were floating around up there).

I stepped into the shadows of the dimly lit room (what is it with police stations and always being dimly lit??) to get a better look around at the devastation. It didn't get any better the further in I got. The place was completely wrecked. And the strangest thing was, there didn't appear to be anyone around. And why hadn't the security guard noticed anything??

And it was then that I saw that all-too-familiar spectral glow.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**I am so, so sorry for the really long gap between the last update and this one, and equally sorry for the ridiculous lack in length. Things have been really hectic, and hopefully I'll be able to update more frequently after this. **

* * *

I had my ghost. Or one of them, at least. Which if you think about it, was a start.

I stepped forward, craning my neck round the corner, to try and get a better idea of the identity of the dead soul. Whoever it was seemed to know what they were doing pretty darn well, if you ask me. This place was completely trashed. I was, naturally, assuming, that this was their aim.

No one could be _this_ clumsy…

I walked down the narrow corridor that I saw around the corner, stepping carefully over debris, but not really noticing the possibly important documents I was stepping on. It wasn't as if there was mud on my shoes. Or, at least, not _that_ much mud.

I started to worry when I saw the first open jail cell. It was only a small worry, nagging at the back of my mind, eating away at my confidence, making me think twice. Was this ghost just up to mayhem, causing a few tricks-or did it mean business?? It seemed the latter, from what I could see. And that was what worried me. I'd met ghosts who'd had a plan before (no matter how badly it had been thought out)-and it was never good. Sure, I always ended up winning: but the injuries were mostly not worth it. Hopefully this one would be a bit more…

Bumbling.

My anxiety grew and grew as I passed more and more open, empty cells. Were they already like this-or had they, somehow (most likely by the ghostly visitor) been freed?? I quickened my pace, determined to catch up with the culprit before they went-or before they could bust open any more rooms.

I suddenly caught sight of a concrete wall, and knew that the building ended there. After all, this was only a police station. There were few cells, merely to hold suspects for a short period of time, until trial or a moving to another jail. The main prison was kind of far away, a little while outside of Carmel. I sighed, defeated for now, and spun around.

Which was when a spectral glow caught my eye-and the only glimpse I got before I vanished, was that of a wrinkly old woman.


	13. Chapter Twelve

I got out of there fairly quickly. I told the security guard about it, and everything-I didn't want any suspicion that it might have been me. Or, at least, no more suspicion than there possibly could have been. I'd learnt a long time ago that the least suspicion had of you, the better off you were.

Once I'd answered a few questions, and they'd let me go, normal routine, I thought I'd head off home. But I didn't, for some reason. I ended up kind of driving about, with no aim, no direction. I had no idea what I was doing, other than that I was doing it (which was clearly blatantly obvious). I barely tried to make sense of my surroundings, and though my subconscious mind seemed to know what to do, my consciousness was slipping into a dream of thoughts, problems and endless questions.

I stopped the car, and without even looking around I got out, and instantly knew where I was. The overpowering waft of coffee drifted over to me, mixed with a kind of bakey smell-the smell of The Coffee Clutch. A smile formed behind my eyes, and I was restored into a good mood. This place was like a social bubble-almost cut off from everything else. I loved it-and it would be even better if I had friends here.

I could feel my face fall at that, and something twisted in my stomach. I hadn't talked to them in ages. That brought a wave of guilt, and I immediately wondered how they felt-were Adam and CeeCee discussing me dumping them? And how were they doing? Were they so wrapped up in each other that they forgot about me, and about the fact that I had been practically ignoring them for a pretty long time…

Of course, in the natural order of things, the next thing I knew, I was inside the shop, the car outside. I just stood in the doorway for a while, wondering what to do-before realising how idiotic I looked. I decided to walk over to the counter-after all, what was the point of going to a coffee shop and not buying coffee? At least…if you're alone.

I hadn't looked round as I came in-it was now a natural sort of reflex, whereas the opposite had been true before. That way, I was less likely to come in eye contact with other people; in my book, always a good thing. It was, therefore, a massive surprise when I was forced to look round to find a table, and saw-well. You guessed it.

Adam and CeeCee-a rather embarrassing expression of shock distorting their features into a sort of gape. I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I smiled tentatively, and began to make my way over to them. It was only as their eyes began to widen further that I realised how stupid I must look, and how rude; plus, they were 'a couple' now. I was probably disturbing a date or something…

"Um. Hi guys. Sorry about…not being around much. And not talking to you much. Or anyone, really. So…how are you??"

Me and my big mouth…


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Though Adam held the ridiculously overdramatic 'Oh-my-God' expression, CeeCee's eyes started to narrow, and, finally realising what I was doing, and remembering everything, I froze, looking, I was sure, once again ridiculous, coffee in my hand and stupid smile plastered over my face. I was desperately running through anything I could do, including walking out, before my legs made my mind up for me.

And sat down next to Adam, opposite CeeCee, my smile now more tentative, and hopefully less idiotic. I was getting more and more unnerved by the evil glare that CeeCee had fixed me with. I started fidgeting, my fingers weaving in and out of each other as I picked my brain for something to say.

"So…how've you been?" Yup. That's it. Best I could think of. You see, what I _really_ meant by that was…

"Nice way to greet the friends you've dumped for the past…well, I didn't count the days, but however long it's been." CeeCee, aside from the whole venomous-glare thing, seemed to be somewhat amused by my uneasiness. I always did think she liked having power over people…

"Where were you?" Adam seemed to be as uneasy as me-though perhaps partly due to the scowls and glares of CeeCee as he attempted to make conversation. Still fiddling with my fingers, I looked at the table as I talked to them.

"Well, um…my mum wanted me to get a job, so I started planning for it, and then…um, I kind of got a bit carried away, you know? And then I realised that I hadn't been talking to you guys, and then I thought I shouldn't because it would be awkward…" My lame mini-speech trailed off, and I glanced up at the two of them, both of whom were rolling their eyes.

"It's Jesse, right?" I didn't even bother to ask how CeeCee knew-I just nodded, as she sighed.

"Get over it."

That snapped my head up. I started to glare almost as fiercely as she had, when she rolled her eyes again.

"Oh, for crying out loud. You guys come, from, like, different centuries-"

"Sssh, for God's sake!" CeeCee knew about Jesse-I promised her I'd tell her. So I did. Apparently she'd filled Adam in, too. I wasn't particularly bothered about that, but I didn't really want to go around blurting it out at every possible moment. I mean, the mental hospitals I'd heard of hadn't exactly sounded like much picnics…

"Look. I'm surprised it worked in the first place-but he's like, too old for you. Obviously. I mean, you two could get along perfectly-but you'd both still have completely different ideas. It's the differences that'll break you, just you see. That is, if they haven't already…" Her voice and expression became softer, and I saw pity envelop her eyes. My eyes, in turn, narrowed, though I looked down at the table again, so they wouldn't see the hurt, if it happened to show.

"I'm sorry, Suze. But think about it-you're completely different. I don't care about the opposites-attract thing. You're not opposites, because you're not on different ends of the spectrum…you're on different _spectrums_. I'm sorry…but maybe you should find a guy from this generation. Or, at least who was born in the last few decades." I realised, as I tried to block out her words that my coffee had gone stone cold. This, on top of the anger I was already feeling, pushed me over the edge. Without another word, or even a glance, I rose and stormed out.

Not exactly the best thing to do when you're trying to amend a friendship.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**It's really short, I know...and I haven't been exactly prompt with updates XD But the next chapter will be longer, I promise. And I'm going to try to be more regular with the updates from now on **

It was a long time before I went to the Coffee Clutch again. Perhaps that was a good thing-the people who saw me there were probably 'regulars'. When you've been completely idiotic, it's best not to show your face at the same place repeatedly. Someone might actually _talk to you_.

But, I talked to CeeCee not long after. In fact, the next day she called. Turned out I didn't really need to make any effort with the whole amending-friendship thing. We just had a massive conversation-though about what I was not quite sure-and things were, 'magically' back to normal.

Obviously, I didn't need to sort out things with Adam. I mean, he's a guy. At first I thought his memory had been wiped or something. But then I figured that it was pretty normal. He hardly had anything to be mad about, hold onto, or make an argument about, did he?

In all this making-up-with-and-talking-to-my-friends, I had almost forgotten about Jesse. Naturally, he was still in my head-just not foremost. Perhaps it was better, at least for a while. If I kept thinking about him first, then surely I would go mad with the torment. There was little I could do, until I thought _of_ something to do. There was no reason to waste words in pointless and painful conversation.

I was happier-but still not contented. Still miserable; still alone-or, at least, it felt that way.

And, of course, there was still this problem with the ghost-a very suspicion one, too. Why had she been hanging around the police station? Why had she (as seemed obvious to me) wrecked the office and the surrounding corridors and rooms? I couldn't work out what she was up to, and knew that I'd have to talk to her if I really wanted to get any answers. But I had the strong feeling she wasn't going to be particularly co-operative.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

I was driving down to the mall to pick up some much needed clothes, when I felt a sudden rush of fear. Except the quickening of my heart, I didn't react, and continued driving, whilst wondering what it was. It was like some sort of weird other sense that something was happening close to me-something I didn't want to happen, something I would have wanted to prevent it. Checking that the road was clear, I quickly glance either side of me, trying to pierce the rows of trees in the few seconds I had before I had to regain control and focus on the road. I saw nothing, but still the fear did not fade.

I drove a little further down the road, growing increasingly uneasy as I went along, until I had the urge to fidget I was so nervous. And then, predictably, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a strange flicker, silvery and brief-but there nonetheless. I freaked for a moment, and then, hardly thinking about it, I kept left instead of going right to where I was supposed to be going, heading over to the field on my left to find out exactly what was going on.

I pulled into one of the random parking spaces, and slowly jogged over to the area where I thought I saw the flicker, my eyes scanning the grass and air around me for clues. I saw some movement about two metres from my left, but as it streaked away from me, I judged it to be a rabbit, and took no more notice of it.

I heard a low, pain-filled moan from somewhere near me in the overgrown grass. My heart thudded in my throat as I froze, listening to everything I could. I hear another moan, and started to slowly creep over towards the sound. I wasn't sure whether I was heading in the right direction, and having to concentrate on not treading on an animal/human was making it more difficult to hear.

I was drawing nearer to the source of the noise, and was able to identify it as male. My concern was increasing as I picked my way through the long, scratchy grass. Clearly the person was in significant pain, and might need urgent help.

I wasn't going to be much use, in that case.

I had stopped looking so closely as to where I was treading, and so was incredibly shocked when my foot did not reach the ground, and the moaning appeared to be coming from beneath me.

And, of course, surprise, surprise-who had I just practically trodden on??

Jesse.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

He was in such a terrible state I almost threw up-though whether from fear or nausea I was not quite sure. Bruises and cuts covered his limp, muddy, grass-stained body. I was so worried I didn't even bother to think about how it had happened, or that something similar could happen to me. I just concentrated on getting him back to the car, where I could take him to a hospital. It was hard work-being mostly muscle, he was pretty heavy, and dragging him for a pretty long way and then lifting him onto the seats took a definite strain on my arms. But I managed to do it, and set off, mobile phone at my ear, trying to connect to Father Dom. I just hoped he wouldn't hang up, as he often did, despite having had the phone for quite a while, and all my lessons.

I guess old dogs definitely don't learn new tricks.

I was practically breaking the speed limit in my rush to get to the hospital-but I didn't care. In fact, there was little I did care about at that moment, save Jesse and the state he was in. I was still practically in shock from finding him like he was. It didn't matter that we hadn't spoken in at least a month, maybe more, or that things were going to be really awkward between us when he properly regained consciousness.

I heard a much more defined, louder groan. I checked in my rear view mirror, and sure enough, his eyes were flickering. I sighed in relief, but at the same time, I was still worried. Surely that meant that he would be able to feel the pain better? And what happened if he didn't realise where he was, and rolled off the seat? I wouldn't be able to help him, and it was hardly going to be beneficial for his injuries.

I finally pulled up the hospital, and ran inside-God knew I couldn't carry him any further. I half-talked to, half-shouted at the lady behind the desk, my speech so garbled she had to ask me to repeat it several times. I finally said it slowly enough for her to understand it, and she told me to wait a little while. I froze for a little while, and then asked what she meant. Her turn to speak slowly, she looked as if she thought I had mental problems-which I could understand at that point. But I was so worried, that I couldn't really comprehend waiting around for someone to come along and help. I knew that it was normally like this-but for unknown reasons, I had suddenly thought that I would be special, and that we'd get help straight away. I didn't even notice the full A&E waiting room.

I was forced to wait, as was obvious and necessary, and during this time repeatedly and frantically attempted to get hold of Father Dom. After all, it was him and the church that had procured all Jesse's papers and such-and Father Dominic could help with almost everything. Or at least, that was how it seemed to me.

Finally, after what seemed like days, someone came out to see me, and, trolley in hand, asked me to lead him to my car. I opened the door, so he could pull Jesse out, and I saw him visibly flinch. It was good to know I wasn't the only one who thought the injuries a little…extensive.

Before I could ask what room he was going to, the man and gurney were flying away, like they always do on those hospital programmes/movies. I slammed the door shut, locking the car, and tried to run after them; but I was so tired it was difficult to keep pace. I got to the reception desk, and asked the lady where they were-but she said that she wasn't sure where they were-though that might still have been because of the insanity thing.

So, I settled down, once again, in the uncomfortable plastic chairs, stared at the off-white walls, and waited.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

He needed to have minor surgery. I waited for hours, though how many I couldn't tell, until they let me see him.

He looked awful-there was no other way to describe it. A few of his cuts were stitched up, the bruises were blackening, and the arm that I hadn't really paid attention to was in a cast. They'd cleaned all the blood up, but it didn't really make that much of a difference; it sort of made it more surreal-countless injuries that were almost completely clean, as though they had been only half-wiped of the evidence.

I almost cried when I saw him-but there were doctors and nurses everywhere, and so I felt like I was forced to wipe the tears away, angry at myself for being so over-emotional. They didn't let me stay long, though. They probably needed to do more to help him; but then, they might have simply realised that I was probably going to break down if I'd stayed in the room any longer. Luckily, when I went outside, I managed to calm myself down.

I just couldn't get the image of him, lying there, out of my head. I would never, ever have thought of him as that helpless, so small-almost child-like. He looked almost peaceful-but his skin seemed somewhat stretched, as though he was strained. Like he was so close to serenity, but just off the mark.

I stayed there overnight. I called everyone-my mum, CeeCee, Father Dom. They were all concerned, but I was adamant that I would not leave him. Father Dominic promised to come over in the morning, to help sort stuff out. The medical staff said that they needed some of the information, like insurance, before they could progress with Jesse's treatment.

I needed him better as soon as possible.

I spent a hard night on the plastic chairs, unable to move them as they were fixed to the ground, and forced to lay with the ridges digging into my back. I'd heard that people were often offered soft chairs and stuff when they stayed overnight in hospitals. Obviously, they didn't here.

I slept fretfully, and when I did finally slip under, it was a weak and often disturbed sleep, but thankfully somewhat dreamless. It didn't relax me enough though, and when Father Dom finally arrived at around 8 o'clock in the morning, I was exhausted, with a pounding headache and a severely painful back. And I thought hospitals were supposed to cure pain…

I had barely opened my mouth to speak to Father Dom when I realised that he was already past me, rushing down the corridor. With little time to think, I was briefly annoyed that I got no thanks for being so uncomfortable and yet helpful. But I quickly pushed it aside and went running after him. He was standing in Jesse's room, talking to a nurse, glancing worriedly towards the bed every so often. I looked at the pair only once, before fixing my full attention on Jesse…who I now saw was moving.

I walked over to the bedside, hand and legs trembling, the liquid in my eyes dangerously close to overflowing. I reached over to touch his hand, and his eyes flickered open. I tried to smile, but my lips simply wobbled and faltered. He seemed to try the same, but it clearly caused him a lot of pain, as he winced and then gave up. He looked at the hand which was now stroking his own, and a brief flicker of pain spasmed across his face, to be quickly replaced by confusion.

"Why aren't you wearing the ring??"


	19. Chapter Eighteen

So it seemed that Jesse had lost his memory. Well, obviously not all of it-but part. In fact it wasn't even losing-he just seemed to have replaced certain events with others-the ones that were less painful, easier to accept; though untrue.

I hated knowing how much pain I must have caused him by rejecting his proposal. I felt sick, bitter, and guilty beyond words. How could I live with myself knowing that I'd driven him to the point of forgetting it?

But even worse was what I was going to have to do. That was, tell him that I couldn't marry him. Because I'd never accepted his proposal. And that would break his heart all over again-and he would leave, most likely to never return, or at least to speak to me again. And that broke my heart-if possible more than it would his.

We were still unsure what had happened, as Jesse seemed to have no memory of being attacked. In fact, he was thoroughly confused when considering how he had ended up in hospital. He didn't understand his injuries, or where they came from. He couldn't even think where he had been, or what he had been doing. Maybe his imagination couldn't quite stretch that far.

Father Dom seemed somewhat more relaxed than me about the whole thing; with his approach to violence, I would have expected him to be horrified. What seemed to upset him seemed to be the proposal-both the fact it had been made in the first place, and then my rejection of it. As though he thought it was entirely inappropriate at my age, but as though I had no reason to deny it, especially as…

Well, I had no clue. And, honestly, I didn't care so much. I was worried about everything, so much that I could hardly concentrate on one thing. It became so frustrating I often had to stand up and walk around, just to focus on my pacing and breathing. I spent most of my time in the hospital, so although I may have received some strange looks in the waiting room, it was considered not-so-strange, due to the anxiety that was sure to be present within most people-and also the greater risk of meeting a nutjob. I didn't mind what they thought of me-I was past the point of caring about little other than what was happening to _me_-which somehow included Jesse.

On the sixth day, Jesse was discharged from the hospital. I always found it strange how quickly they managed to get people out-as though they were practically shoving them out of the door. I was partly glad, as it meant that I wouldn't have to spend any more time in the place, which I had come to loath in my many hours effectively self-imprisoned in the pale greenish walls.

Father Dom came to help me bring Jesse to his apartment-he was going to drive. I followed them, and helped Jesse settle back in. He looked somewhat relieved, as I did, to be out, back in a familiar place. I was so focused on him that I didn't notice Father Dom discreetly slip out of the door once he was sure that Jesse was alright.

It was really awkward. I didn't know what to say…or do. He seemed somewhat confused-as though he was puzzled by my actions-or by my stillness. I tried to avoid eye contact, but it was near impossible, and finally, I felt like I had to break the silence.

"Look…I think we need to talk…"


	20. Chapter Nineteen

I had to say it to him. I just had to. I couldn't keep living like this. Either we continued with our relationship, or it was over. I just wanted to escape this limbo-like state. I sat on the sofa across the room for him, staring at his beautiful face, the scar above his eyebrow, his perfect lips. I opened my mouth to say something, but it just hung there, and tears welled up in my eyes. My heart pounded in my chest, making its way up to my throat. I thought I was going to be sick.

"Jesse…I'm not engaged to you." I stared at the wall as I said that, trying to bring my eyes out of focus to lessen the stinging in them. I made an effort to keep my face blank, trying to cover any emotion that might seep into my expression without me noticing.

"What are you talking about?" I dragged my gaze back over to his face, which was now incredulous and disbelieving. I quickly looked back at the wall again, sighing with pain and exasperation.

"You…proposed to me. On the beach. But…but I'm only just out of school, Jesse. You can't-I can't get married. I just, can't. I know things are different where you come from. But this is the _twenty first century_. Surely you've had time to readjust. I mean, I know it must be difficult for you to adapt, what with all your history. But please-you must understand that I can't get married. I'm too _young_." I looked into his eyes, not bothering to cover or disguise the pain I was sure was evident on my face. He still seemed disbelieving, and confused. More confused now.

"But…but you accepted. You said you'd marry me. I know you did. I remember…" His features wrinkled then, distorted in an attempt to recover an almost-lost memory.

"No. No-I didn't. I said that I couldn't marry you. I basically said what I just said. And then…then we didn't talk for quite a while. I wasn't entirely sure what happened, but I understood. I understood that you needed time to think it over, especially if you were hurting. But then, you were hurt. Someone…something attacked you. That's how you ended up in hospital. And you seemed to have lost your memory, and replaced it. Or perhaps it isn't lost, but only changed by what you wanted to think. I'm sorry." I studied his face, waiting for a sign that I should leave, or say something else. But all I saw there was some kind of paralyzed shock. I felt my brows draw together in confusion as I tried to work out what he was thinking, or signalling.

Suddenly, he was up, moving towards the door. Now my confusion and pain was distorted into anger and irritation; why couldn't he just say something? I watched his perfect body move with such grace, and tried to ignore the throbbing of my blood, trying to focus on what I needed to do-on what was going on.

"Jesse, what-" He held up his hand to stop me.

"I remember. I remember who it was…the lady. The old lady. And I remember before," His face twisted in pain before he shook his head, his beautiful hair waving at the movement. "Yes. The old lady. I remember…the field. I was in a field or something…and then. Yes. I was talking to her, trying to find out what she was. I just wanted to be helpful. I just wanted to help…but she just laughed at me. She couldn't understand. And then she said…she said something. She didn't want me to get at him. She said…she said I wouldn't understand. She said I couldn't understand what it was about. And that he was going to get out…" I slowly started to move towards the door, every instinct inside me telling me to run at the sight of his outstretched hand, his gorgeous eyes glazed over, seeing something I could not, viewing a picture that could only be found in his mind.

"Jesse. What are you talking about? Who are you talking about?" I made one last desperate bid to return sanity to this situation, before I dashed out of the door.

His eyes found mine, and were now blazing with some sort of joy-though it was a twisted, despairing joy. Like suddenly realising something that had been lost to you for so long, but when you found it, it was too terrible, and you didn't want it anymore. Or at least, that's what I thought.

"Annie Rogers. She spoke of a man in jail, that she was trying to free. Someone who had done something terrible, but she didn't mind-she spoke of the relationship that I 'couldn't understand'. And then I tried to reason with her. And then…then _she_ attacked me…" Comprehension dawned on both mine and his face. But there was one thing that really bugged me about what I now understood.

"The old lady has a _boyfriend_??"


End file.
